When you Play me, You play Yourself, Don't Play Yourself

Story 2

Describe your life experience before you decided to make a major shift?

So, Beyonce Lemonade came out right….

I had 2 sons at this point, a 9 year old about to be 10, and a 1 year old less than a month away from 2. I was blessed with the opportunity to be a stay at home for the first year or so of my son’s life, but after a while, I was kind of going crazy not having access to my own funds. What I brought to the table a woman was not appreciated or respected in my relationship to the extent that I wanted to be, so I had to tap into my masculine energy to protect and provide for me and mine. So why was Lemonade such a catalyst?

Anybody who knows me knows, I’m not as bad as the beehive, but Beyonce/Sash Fierce are most definitely my spirit animels. Yes I spelled animel like that on purpose, break it down, look up then absorb.

Anywho, I met my partner while I was in college. One of my girlfriends was dating one of his guy friends and she thought we should meet. She showed me a photo, I thought he was cute. I read more than the physical in photos, I see energies in photos, which is why I swipe left ALOT. His energy seemed big, yet quiet. Like he wanted attention and loved it, but also liked simplicity. He looked thoughtful and big hearted. So we started texting. The text messaging was cool, sporadic. I was still dating other people, as was he and that was okay. I spent a summer trying to align with him in the physical, but could never catch him. He was always busy or doing something, and I was taking summer classes and working and I had my son, so it was cool. I was a little frustrated, but again, I was dating other people also. What he won’t do, someone else did. Energy was easily replaceable to me back then.

It’s my birthday, I’m 19. Of course, I don’t qualify to buy liquor yet, so I call him. I ask him if he could ride with us to pick up the liquor because he’s older. So he asks me to pick him up at the end of the corner of where he lives, he will meet me there. I shrug it off and pick him up where he asks. He was as beautiful in person as he was in the pictures. It was like this golden orange yellow aura around him, I was swoon. When something captures my eye, the horse blinders come on. I wanted him. He was soft spoken, his energy was soft too. I just wanted to lay in it. But the goal was alcohol at the moment. So after we go to the store and we ride back to his street I ask him if he wants to come to my party. The soft cloud got dense and hard. ‘I don’t know my babymom be tripping sometimes, we still stay together, but we not together.’ My stomach went into knots. This whole summer we were texting, making plans to meet then never meeting, not once did he bring up living with his baby mom.

The Goddess in my mind that sits on my internal throne folded her arms and was like ‘nah’. And I stopped texting him and calling him. I was good off that. And irritated because there’s no way you are still living together with a fresh baby and not together. Me a side chick knowingly? No gracias. My pride and ego are too big for that one. I’m a woman first, we dont hurt sisters in my sisterhood, but more power to the queens who don’t mind. No judgment here, I’m still cheering for you.

So that was in September, December rolls around. And I have facebook. I was late to the facebook party, I didn’t really care about it, but everybody in college acted like they wouldn’t socialize with me without it, so whatever, I got one. Here he is on my facebook. His baby mom moved out and he wanted me to come to chill. Okay so I was in a relationship at the time, and I was still dating other men, and had a guy I would talk to when I was home on vacations and weekends. I was living my best life. Lol. No inhibitions whatsoever. But he said she moved out, and I really liked his energy, we vibed so well that summer, I went for it. I was actually given the address I didnt have to pull up to the end of the corner.

So I get there, and I was sooooo bored. He wasn’t really talking like he used to. In fact, his comfy cloud energy felt small and insecure in that space. His soft spoken-ness was mousy. I was just like, no no no. And then he had a friend there, they were watching football. I like to play football for fun, I’m not too much of a fan of watching unless it was school games or my cousins playing, so yea, I was bored. And then his friend wouldn’t leave, he really started snoring on the couch. I was more appalled that he didn’t ask his friend to leave. Like what kind of childishness was this? Ugh. So again the goddess on my internal throne was like ‘nah’. I made some shit up about my mom tripping cause she has my son all the time, and I had to get home so she can rest. And I drove to my boyfriend’s house. Lol. I wasn’t shit.

A couple of weeks later his sleepy ass friend hits me up on facebook. Comments on a photo, basically saying I was cute, and asked me if I wanted to smoke with him. I said yea, and I brought my girlfriend with me. I dont know why my spirit was like ‘dont go alone’, but I went with it. I try to be obedient in some spaces. Compared to the guys I was used to being around, I really thought he way gay. His mannerisms and all, he knew the kind of jacket I had on. I love fashion, I wanted to be a designer at one point, that was the first time I met a man that was into fashion too. He’s actually pretty successful right now. Kudos to that guy.

So, then February comes up. I’m still over here juggling my gentlemen callers, minding my business. And here comes this guy again… can I give him a name? Nobodie. Nobodie pops up again and is like, he just got a new place with his friends. I should come over. Well this time there was a snow storm coming, and once upon a time our snow storms used to be ridiculous. The snow storms jersey gets today are child’s play compared to like 12 years ago. So he asked me to get snowed in with him. My girlfriend drops me off with clothes and food. Its lit.

We had such a great time. I mean, talking non-stop. About everything from music, to movies, to upbringing, how we felt about our kids. All of it. The vibe was addicting. I wanted to stay around. It felt like I didn’t even know how to leave. I think I stayed for like a day and a half and then I got a ride back to campus. My internal goddess was happy, she wanted him too. Time to make moves, he’s gonna be mine. So what do I do? Embarrassingly, the fucking most.

I cut off everybody I was talking to ya!! I deleted them out my phone, off facebook and myspace, out my emails. I broke some hearts. The boyfriend I had went through my phone and found the text messages, not just between me and Nobodie but also between me and everyone else. We got into a physical fight. He still owe me $40 too, when I see him Ima throw hands and get my bread back. I didn’t even care that we fought. He tried to choke me out, I took him home and he was like ‘You gon call me later?’ Ah nope! AAND how was he mad, he was messing around too? Like I didn’t know the women he had smiling in my face had his dick pics in their phones. Stop playing. I never talked to him again til years later he needed $40. Lol.

So Nobodie became my focal point. I started showing up to his drop with food, coming to his house to watch movies, texting in his phone to have conversation. Damn I’m really embarrassed typing this right now. He never asked me to do any of that, he didn’t even know. So while I was doing all that, what was he doing? Still talking to his baby mom and a handful of other women. There was an instance where he said he got a woman pregnant and he didn’t know if I would be cool with it. Again, I did not care. I wanted him. I cried and pleaded on the phone. Told him I gave up everybody and I really liked him. If he wanted me, I wanted him back. I showed up at his job with the nonsense. Ugh. I am so sorry for that. For real. That really was not okay. At that point, the Goddess on my internal throne wasn’t even talking to me anymore. It was that hurt begging ass child taking the wheel.

So he gave in, he said the woman decided to have an abortion or something. He said he liked me too. In this space in this moment, maybe he said that cause I was being crazy. Maybe he just said that so I could chill. He was so nice. Maybe he was just people pleasing, but back then in that moment, I didn’t care. I won.

So, I’m back to showing up again. And when I would, I’d find pieces of women’s clothing and jewelry and things in his room. When I’d ask him about it, he said it was old stuff. So I’d throw it away. I’d go on his facebook and see him still flirting with other women, days he’d blow me off he would be with someone else, I’d get mad and question him about it and he would say he’s a flirt and those are his friends. I wanted a bigger presence, more respect. So I started posting on his page too. Writing love poems, sending love songs, making songs our songs. Not just to be seen, but also, this is my love language. I like that, and the energy was reciprocated, so it didn’t feel unwanted.

I forget how much time passed before we moved in together. We got an apartment my mother BEGGED me not to get. I was being so hard headed. I have no idea why I was like that with him. The other women never went away, I can still name them today, and bet any amount of money he still talks to them.

One christmas we go to my mother’s. I know there was a certain time to return or something so that he could pick up his daughter, I had went out with my mom to the store and came back and my car was gone. He took my car up north to pick up his kid. Now listen guys, this man never had a license, it was a car my mom gave me. This did not go well with my parents. They wanted to report it stolen, we got into it because I didn’t want him to get in trouble. I really argued with my mom in the street over this guy. What in thee whole fuck was wrong with me? Sitting here typing this right now, wow. What the hell Niqea? I remember my stepdad saying ‘Your mom loves you and she sees something you dont, all Ima say is, know when you’re being used.’ And he put his cigarette in that nasty water jug on the porch that held all the cigarettes and some water and went in the house. I waited for him to come back with my car. I didn’t even know how to be mad at him about taking my car. I felt bad and blamed myself for taking too long to make him feel like he had to take the car.

So we are still living together, arguing cause I’m going through his phone and not only is he flirting with other women, now he’s bad mouthing me. He doesn’t like me. At least that’s the narrative he’s giving to other women. When he goes out with his friends he doesnt include me unless they’re coming to the house, we wrote 2 songs together in that apartment. Those are the only two songs we ever wrote.

We ended up losing the apartment and moving into his grandmother’s house. I felt awkward. Weird. He lived here with his previous girlfriend so I got the ‘dont get pregnant’ speech. Living in the house with his family, being so far from mine, it was weird. I should’ve went home. My mom wanted me to go back to campus. For some dumb ass reason, keeping him was more important. Him dating other women never stopped, I was still left at home when he went out with others. He was having sex with them, then coming home and having sex with me. My ph was off, I had headaches, I was easily triggered by the mere mention of these women, my period would last for months. Being present, as someone so sensitive to energies I innerstand why all that was happening. I still can’t understand or innerstand why I wouldn’t leave him. I’ve left other guys for less.

So there’s this one woman, she’s a witch. He starts bringing her home. This is the first time he ever brought a woman home, the fucking galls and authacity still astounds me, but moreso me staying is what turns me off on myself. He introduces her as a friend, he chills at her house, she chills in our space. She’s showing up and hanging out at his job. Girlfriends of his friends hitting me up asking me if I know what’s going on. What do I do? Play it off. Because I didn’t want to believe that the respect had gotten so small for me. Him to me, me to myself. Where was my love and honor? I even went to his job and had some of the elders and his coworkers pull me to the side and tell me about her, tell me to watch her, she comes around too much and they’re too friendly.

My internal goddess finally started talking to me again when they started dating. ‘Let him go be with this witch, this is where he should be’. And I tried. I told him to be with her, let me go. They’re cute together, he went through all this trouble to disrespect me with her, throw her in my face, just go. He wouldn’t let me go. He would say he would stop talking to her, same way he would say about the other women, he would yell, cry, and plead. And it worked. Somewhat. I started sending ‘hey big head’ texts to men I used to talk to. I reopened my POF account. My internal Goddess was waking back up, I don’t get why she left me in the first place. I’d say she stopped speaking to me, when we were snowed in together. Maybe the sex we had those couple of days did something to my spirit, all the women he was already laying with or something. I do not know.

So, I find out I’m pregnant. It’s around my birthday, at this time we had been together for about ⅘ years. I had to lie about how long we were together to his family and friends because apparently that woman he got pregnant that one time was around then too heavily. Shame shame. I was scared to tell him. I thought it was gonna be this whole big thing. What if he tells me to get an abortion too? What if he doesn’t want the baby? But he was cool. He was happy. I remember I told him, we were watching a movie on the living room floor and I just started crying and he hugged me and kissed me. I said I was afraid of being a baby mom. I already had Ezekiel and his father wasn’t around at all. I didn’t want this again. That followed with affirmations, hugs and promises.

He kept bringing that witch around though.

I was getting heavy headaches, I was paralyzed in my sleep a couple times. My energy was just so weird and off. I was angry all the time. After a while, I asked him to stop having sex with me. My internal goddess was talking to me again. I started my journey of making healing crystals and orgonites, and being a herbalist. My Ezekiel was vaccine injured so myself, my grandparents, and my parents were putting our heads together to create a healing lifestyle for him, better ingestion patterns. We became raw vegans, I began locking my hair, started attending healing events, I found Dr. Umar in Newark and started following him. I joined some groups with like minded people. My growth didn’t include Nobodie, just as his socializing and art didn’t include me. He felt the strain and started trying more to be included. Being home more and talking about me in a positive light to women and things… but it was already too late. My internal goddess was awake again. And she’s self centered. She didn’t care about his efforts. The hurting child in me, just didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and now the mother in me wanted to keep the family together even if he had to sit in the dog house the rest of our time together.

So I turned my neck to cheating until he started getting disrespectful using my car to drive women around, I drew boundaries in the mud. Don’t touch my shit and I wont bother you. My spirit guides would reveal every time he was lying and instead of being hurt I was disgusted. The witch kept coming around and every time she did so did signs that they were sleeping together. Her presence gave me headaches, my insides would be on fire. I started going to my mother’s house more. This man even tried to invite the witch to my baby shower. I was gonna let him too. I wish she would have came. But Allah knew my heart. Allah knew I was being okay with it cause I had something up my sleeve. So she couldn’t make it. Pity, it would’ve been fun if she did.

I had my baby in 2014. My little bull. He was had absorbed all the fire I had in them 9 months. His dad sleeping with witches and coke heads and baby energies then trying to touch me. Even in the hospital I would wake up in the night to tend to my crying baby and there he was, on the phone with his witch. Flirting. He sent her photos of our child. How dumb can this nigga be? But I saw what was happening. Whatever energy that had me stuck to him now had him stuck to that witch, and that made me happy. Even though it hurt that I knew I would never have that family I wanted for me and my sons, I was happy to see his karma up close. He was so deep in it, he couldnt see it. Everytime he hurt me, his baby mom would take him to court, or keep his daughter from him, he was failing financially, arguing with his friends, too much drama in all that pussy juggling he was doing, he was getting messy. I loved it even though it hurt me to watch sometimes.

Weirdest thing, okay so we bought these dwarf hamsters a few months ago for my son. Both female, one big, one small. The big one always bullied the small one, so we separated them but while I was in the hospital, I put them together because I know nobody was gonna come feed my babies. Lol. That night we came home all you hear is squeaking and squawking. The little one killed the big one and had a hurt leg that night. Nobodie buried the big one and let the little one go in the backyard because we weren't sure how to heal her. I’m still trying to figure out how to absorb that.

So, yes, we are home, the women and the witch still come around, she’s still going to his job and things, he brings her home. My biggest issue was the bond he was trying to create between my son and the witch. The internal goddess would get pissed, and that’s when she had to go. He had gone too far. She had photos, she was touching and holding my baby. Bruh, I’m getting mad right now as I type this. I swear on everything if I see her today, Im not healed enough yet to not whoop her ass. I thought about killing her many times. She had awoken an energy in me that loved the idea of killing people in slow painful ways. I thought about killing Nobodie alot too. I still do. I don’t need forgiveness in those thoughts, I’m not healed enough to say they don’t entertain me. They do.

Once I texted her, acted like I was him, it was the middle of the night. I was going to kill her. I was going to stab her in the middle of the street. I told her to meet me. And she did. Once I was out there, that energy died and I thought about my sons. So i pretended like those weren’t my intentions and I just had a conversation, why? You’re literally in my house looking at me. What the fuck is your issue? She said they had something “brewing” (thats the word she used) before he met me. I found that odd and hard to believe. But I took it and went home and woke him up. My mind said its time for his karma. So once again, I told him to be with her and I was going to my mothers.

A month before I had my son I was laid off from my job, city job didn’t want to give me maternity leave, I worked full time hours with no benefits. Fucking crooks. So up until this time I wasn’t working. A few times Nobodie had thrown in my face that I don’t do anything, and he could do what he wanted with his money. He was terrible and ridiculously selfish with his money. A bill or something needed to be fixed? He just called on his grandparents and they’d pay for it. So he only worried about paying for weed liquor and milds for him and his friends. I started hiding my weed and liquor. My shit would last longer, he would take it to serve his friends. In my eyes, the phoney niggas that help him cheat on me and disrespect me. I thought about killing them too. Poisoning my food they kept eating.

So now Im working again, I got my own funds. I started going out with my friends again, staying with my family more. The gap between us was increasing. I wasn’t mad, I just really wanted my family though, so I tried to keep it together and apart at the same time. I’d force myself to have sex sometimes, pretend it was fun. I wasn’t connected anymore. I was mad.

There was one night I came back to the crib and I was locked out, he had went out and wouldn't answer the phone or anything. My heart knew he was either with the coke head or the witch. I called his friend and that begging little girl poured out of me. ‘Why he keep doing this? Why don’t he love me? Where is he?’ His friend laughed and I was so embarrassed. Another man laughing at my cry for help. I hate men sometimes. They can be so dusty. My hate for men was turning into a hate for women too. This man had surrounded himself around women that had no respect for sisterhood. They helped him cheat and did not care. Who cared about me? But me? Self love was the answer.

So lemonade came out.

I worked overnight, to be home during the day while Nobodie was at work, or calling out of work to lay up under some woman. Like I didnt know when he was calling out or leaving work early. Lol. Anyway. I listened to it back to back that night. It played on the tv while I cleaned. I was a direct care worker. The first time I was shocked, I heard her pain to her healing through the songs. I felt all of it. It felt like my story. I was ready for my life to reflect the end of the album, but not because we stayed together and weathered the storm, nah, Because I stopped caring about being a baby mom and dusted his ass. By the fourth time, I was singing along tears down my eyes, dancing with the broom, manifesting my 12 steps. It’s time to heal sis. I awakened a priestess and an empress to sit beside my inner goddess that night. I came home different.

I moved in with my mother for like 7 days lol.

Nobodie came down there and picked me up and we came back to the house. He stayed home, cut the women off as he usually does after an argument, but after a week or so he’s back to his routine, they come back, or right after work he comes home with his friends and stays in his room with his friends until it was time for bed. I’d be in my head making jokes about how gay they were for each other. Literally all day every day, so weird.

I said I was moving down closer to my mother, and he can come or not come. I was going. He hesitated, he likes to use his daughter as an excuse not to do things as if he actually puts effort into that relationship. He’s a mouse to his baby mom. And I salute her for standing her ground with him. I didnt get it at first, I do now though, I still wish her healing through some things for her and their daughter. So I moved, I loved my house, I got a job, omy job was fly, I made new friends, I had some boos in my phone again. Shit was great.

Here he come.

Trying to piss on my hydrant. Popping up at the house unannounced. Once he popped up and there was a man there, his dumb ass sat on the third floor listening and quiet the entire time we were in the house. He was texting me acting like he was on his way so after a while I told the guy to leave, plus my mom's car was getting towed outside. That was hilarious. But in this moment, I let my inner mother take the wheel and said if he came down here i’d help him get a job at my job, maybe we can work it out. Keep the family together, whatever. So efforts were made.

We are in 2017 now like january-ish, our baby is going on 3. We get back together and he tells me cheated. It aint even been like 2 days in. I did not care. I did not feel anger, hurt, nothing. I didn’t care. Oh my gosh ya!! The numbness felt sooooo good. He was pissed though. Pissed I didn't care, I had no interest in forgiveness or healing or anything, whatever. For real. This is the foundation to us getting back together, cool.

Remember when I said I had been a healing jeweler and herbalist, well now I’ve been doing it for 4 years. I'm starting to do readings now. Spirit is getting louder to me. My guides wont let him lie to me anymore, and now its no longer my responsibility to reveal to him that I know the truth. The texts would pop up on the tv, or when he would show me something on his phone. His phone would ring while we were watching movies. I didn’t have to snoop or reveal what I knew. The energy was doing it for me. I would just smile and keep it moving. And yes, the same women. The one he got pregnant, the witch, the coke head, and all the other ones. He’s very loyal to his side chicks. Thats admirable I guess.

We had a few fights. I usually fall alseep when we are arguing. I have no idea why I’d just get instantly sleepy and be knocked. Lol. He would get so mad. But I was so happy yo. Like self love is really the answer. Once upon a time, we would argue and I would feel a heaviness in my chest for daaayys. And the arguing would last for days every time we thought of something else to say. Hated it. But this sleeping shit? That was A1.

I did do some goofy shit though. He was mad that I was dating so he said we should get joint social media accounts. We should delete our separate ones, so my goofy ass did… and look he still has his original account. Talking about when he finally make music he wants to still be in touch with his fan base Smh. Dusty ass nigga. I was dusty for believing that shit. But I was willing to put in effort, maybe we could heal and he could stop looking like a mischievous child to me. But, nah.

So an opportunity comes to move down to VA. Which is cool cause he met his father’s side of the family and wanted to be closer, and I’m like maybe if we are away from all these women, you wouldnt cheat and maybe we could heal or something. On top of, what an awesome opportunity. I was with it. Revisionistic Fashion and Media turned into Les Nobodies. I tried to turn a me into a we since we were both artists. He didn’t want to make jewelry with me, he didn’t want to do the podcast with me, he didn’t want to make music with me. We painted alot, that became our thing, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I’d take him out on dates, he said he wasn’t good at planning, even when I would ask him to take me out. Just no effort. And I was really turned off now. I still love our ability to talk forever about everything though. Its the gemini energy we both have. We can just go off infinitely and its so enjoyable, I tried to capture as many moments as possible.

I had a feeling when he would take the bus back to Jersey he was seeing his women, once he again he made it all about his daughter. But like I told ya before, spirit always told on his ass. A text would pop up before he left on the tv. His messy women would post something on his page. So of course, that led to me being quiet and distant as I poured my focus on creating the reality I wanted to live; building to live off grid, home schooling my kids, my business. It didn’t have to include him anymore. I saw how much I carried him and this relationship. He’d try to message women with book quotes and things that I fed him, he wouldn't even read the books. I’d giggle as I read the texts in his phone. He misquoted alot. A man that reads is officially a prerequisite for dating me.

He kept claiming he couldn’t create in VA anymore, that he couldn’t focus, he wanted to go back to NJ. I went back and forth. I loved the area, how much I was able to do with my kids, and how much Les Nobodies was growing. But being on an island with him, away from my family felt like too much. I still needed my squad. I couldnt find that in Nobodie no matter how hard I tried to make it.

So we go back to NJ in 2018.

I refused to go back with his grandparents. The goddess, priestess, empress, mother, and now medicine woman in me just refused. I stayed with my mother and gladly slept on a closet floor. I hooked that jawn up pretty nice too. People who watch my lives at that time would never know I was in a closet. Lol. I felt so good to be around my family. To heal with my mother and my siblings. To heal my relationship with my mother. I said some pretty awful things before we left for VA. I think that spell I had with Nobodie in the beginning she had with the Satanist she was dating at the time. Healing with my mother was essential to me. Beyond grateful we did. UUUUGHHH I agape that woman infinitely. Ya dont know. I pray I show it everyday effectively.

Me and Nobodie were still talking, still trying to heal, but he was not allowed to touch me anymore. I knew he was messing with them women again. I didn’t proof anymore, not even from spirit. Dumb dogs like routine so they dont have to think too hard. He claimed he wanted to be a part of my healing journey so that we could heal together. Yet he was up there making it seem as if VA and everything in between was me and my doing and i abusing and controlling him. That was his sympathy card he was pulling to get his heaux back. Good for him for being successful in that. He would have the nerve to contact me to vent about his side chick drama, but the healer in me would let him talk. The healer in me would give him advice. The healer in me wanted him to learn self love and dignity. He was looking real murky to me the more I evolved.

Our youngest child had joined the soccer team, and one day Nobodie takes a photo of him and he comes to show me.

Guess whose text pops up?

The witch. She misses him TOO. Indication that he must've said it first. I completely severed the tie with him at that moment. I allowed that energy that wanted to kill him, and I murdered his ego with as many words as I could. I believe I was very successful in that. He liked to bring it up afterwards in his justifications or when he wanted sympathy. He likes to say I’m the one that’s breaking up the family, that’s the argument he would use when I would try to leave him. I was breaking up the family and shame on me. I’m the problem here. It only bothered me when my son began repeating it. It bothers me that he tries to drag our son into his karmic shit. Im doing EVERYTHING in my power to keep our son from following his father’s family’s dusty ass energy. The man was raised by a man who bought a house for his side chick. Who in his 70s or whatever still gets caught going out on dates with other women like his wife not home. What the hell?

So, after a while Nobodie started coming around again, he met this new girl at his job. Like 12 years younger than him, and she wants to join Les Nobodies and come to me for healing. Maybe one day she can do my make up… I dont wear makeup.

This was the time I knew what was going on. I hushed the begging little girl in me and I watched his lies play out. I wanted to see how far he would go with this girl and lying to me. He went as far as he could to now he’s living with her and he’s in my phone complaining how he don’t like her. He told our son he doesn’t like her hes just staying there. This grown ass man is a hobosexual to a child, and Im curious to the mindset of her father who allowed this grown ass man in their home. My father or any of my step fathers would NEVER. Shit my son wouldnt allow it.

Despite his efforts and now him manipulating our child to create efforts I am uninterested in bonding with this girl. If I do, Nobodie will most definitely be back at his grandparents’ house. So while he may think me accepting him disrespecting and lying to me once again will work in his favor, trust and believe it most certainly will not.

I still allow mine and Nobodies Gemini and Leo energies entertain one another. I don’t believe that bond will ever die.

I am working on trying to bring out the Lover in me. I never met her. I never heard her. I loved through the begging abused child, I want to feel something different.

My sol is at peace, and at joy at this moment...

I think I'm going to go listen to Lemonade right now.